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Quick Slants Week 16: Packers vs Vikings

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Ho Ho Holy mackerel, it’s Christmas Eve and the Packers have a chance to continue their climb into the playoffs against a bunch of purple elves. Will there be a nice big gift all wrapped up in a bow, or will there be a lump of coal in their stockings? All I know is Adrian Peterson didn’t play, so I hope that his kids were extra good this year. Anyway, lets get to the gay happy meeting.

  • On Friday night, the Vikings team plane continued their trend of screwing up touchdowns by veering off the runway and getting stuck in a snowbank. Then, as if it wasn’t obvious enough how much bad karma they have, none of the mobile stairways in the greater Brown County area were operational and the team (and their horrible, no good, terrible, very bad, hygiene product of a play by play announcer Paul Allen) was stuck on board for 7 hours. Cordarrelle Patterson sat on a banana, and his pants looked like his cat puked on them. Sometimes life is good.
  • The Packers started the game with a productive drive until Mike McCarthy decided it’s a great idea to throw ¬†yard patterns with 8 yards to go. I swear he has playcalling Tourrettes.
  • Gotta give Nick Perry credit for giving it a go with a damn heavy bag strapped to his hand. The last time a Packers linebacker had a club that big in Green Bay, the cops were there every night.
  • Jordy Nelson being snubbed for the Pro Bowl is a felonious offense.
  • Happy birthday, Davante. Aaron got you a football. It’s in the end zone.
  • The Packers secondary plays a soft zone that usually results in 3 or 4 guys standing together looking at each other wondering what the others are doing there. It’s to the point where 3rd and long looks more easily attainable than 3rd and short.
  • The long touchdown pass from Bradford to Thielen was ugly as ugly gets. Quinten Rollins got slaughtered off the break, and HaHa Clinton Dix tried to compensate. He ended up taking himself and Rollins out of the play completely. Inexcusable.
  • The entire defensive coaching staff needs to be overhauled. Capers and defensive backs coach Joe Whitt especially need to go.
  • Clay Matthews is back. I still want to touch his abs.
  • Aaron Rodgers is the greatest quarterback in the history of the NFL. And the AFL. And the CFL, and the XFL. And any other FL you can possibly think of. The first half was one of the 2 or 3 best halves of football I have ever seen a quarterback play. I need a cigarette, and I don’t even smoke.
  • Anybody else vomit nonstop for 10 minutes after Rodgers got hurt? Anybody?
  • Welcome to the squad, Geronimo Allison.
  • Minnesota got way too much pressure up the middle all game.
  • I guess when your quarterback can put up 350 yards and 4 td’s there’s no reason to run.
  • Aaron Rodgers is not one of us, he is a cyborg and you cannot prove me wrong.
  • I love this team. Let’s go get the division next Sunday.
  • GO PACK GO

 

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By James Korsmo

I love my family, the Packers, beer, and nachos. More or less in that order. @jksub20 on Twitter.

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