Quick Slants Week 3: Packers vs Broncos
I have officially reached the age where staying up until 11pm for a preseason game is less than optimal, but here we are. Typically, my wish list for preseason games is made up of 3 things: stay healthy, give the new guys a chance to prove themselves, and learn the name of at least one player who I will forget by Labor Day. Tonight, I only have one hope: The starting offense can get on the plane home knowing that they will play week one against Seattle. I’m not going to sugar coat it, the thought of Kyle Murphy and Jason Spriggs playing right guard with Aaron Rodgers behind them is just paralyzingly terrifying on it’s own, and then I remember that Von Miller is making his preseason debut. I just hope Miller has a heart and gently levels our quarterback. Every time Rodgers drops back tonight, I’m going to curl up in a ball and whimper. In other words, I’m going to pretend I’m a Lions fan. Anyway, here’s what happened:
- The Packers first drive was beautiful. 3 plays, then get the hell off the field. #PreseasonSucks
- The Packers pass defense was giving up chunks of yardage to Trevor Siemien. That’s neat.
- When Trevor Davis remembers to catch the ball, he’s electric.
- Ty Montgomery had a nice 25 yard run on the Packer’s first scoring drive. Good to see him back.
- Once the Packers pass rush started getting through to Siemien, he morphed back into himself and threw the ball directly to Kentrell Brice. Have I mentioned how much I love Kentrell Brice? Cause I do. I love him.
- Montgomery made a heads up play for a touchdown when he was decked on the 1 yard line. As he was going down, he stretched and got the ball just over the plane. He’s going to do great things in his career.
- Nick Perry injured his ankle, which would be more disappointing if everybody didn’t see it coming.
- The Broncos starting offense had a long drive for a touchdown after Perry got hurt. It’s going to happen, but it still is kind of disappointing that it happened with Trevor Siemien at the helm.
- Rumors of Demarious Randall’s demise have been greatly exaggerated. He played some very good football tonight. I watched him actually tackle a guy by himself in the open field. No lie. It happened. I’m sure you can find it on tape somewhere.
- The baddest man on planet Earth plays football for the Green Bay Packers, and his name is Mike Daniels.
- Green Bay played some of the sloppiest football I’ve seen in a long time during the first half. What few accomplishments Brett Hundley managed to achieve were negated by penalties. That has to get cleaned up.
- I feel like all we need to win the Super Bowl is for no starter to miss any playing time, ever, at all, throughout the entire season and post season. That’s really it.
- Halftime was like an oasis of fresh cool water in the middle of a terrible football game.
- The second half happened. The Packers offensive line continued to be screen doors on a submarine, Brett Hundley padded his stats while looking like a lost puppy until the Broncos trotted out 8 custodians, a financial analyst, and the ghost of Bill Romanowski, and the offense screwed up not one, but TWO quarterback sneaks. Other than Aaron Jones breaking off a few nice runs, and Hundley’s 7 yard touchdown scramble (again made necessary by the offensive line that only Haley Joel Osment could see), it was a pretty ugly showing from the offense.
- The Packers 3rd string defense was better than the Broncos 3rd string offense. Hooray.
- I don’t usually complain about announcers. They don’t really matter much to me, other than Wayne Larrivee and Larry McCarren. Those two should be given magic potions and kept around forever. But otherwise, I don’t really pay much attention to announcers. Tonight, I unfortunately paid attention. Rich Gannon was the color analyst for the local affiliate carrying the game, and to put it bluntly, he’s the Jason Spriggs of announcers. He makes Phil Simms sound like Winston Churchill. Gannon contradicts himself in the same sentence multiple times per breath. It’s like he was given a Football For Dummies book and a headset, then wandered into a studio at an opportune time. I would rather listen to an a’cappella vocal group made up of Aikman, Buck, Simms, Fran Drescher, and a clogged Roomba than made to endure his driveling nonsense for even a single solitary second. So in short, when Rich Gannon is in the booth, hit the mute button like it stole your car.
- BTW, wins and losses mean nothing right now.
- Next week, the Packers play the Los Angeles Rams in Lambeau. Well at least some of them will.
- Go Pack Go!